The Mahapurush

I was sad and I was alone. I know I was dying and suffering. At the same time I was intending to expedite the process of dying to end up my miseries. I was horrified with the kind of situation I was in. I was actually thinking of suicide. I believed I was a fighter but I came to realize that there is threshold for everything. Everything has a melting point. I was devastated. I was afraid with the idea of having no tomorrow. I was thinking that if I take that bold step, then probably this will be my last day. If there would be only one day left to exist. What would I do if there would be!! Well, it is quite evident that whole concept of tomorrow is a myth. There was never a tomorrow. It always stayed in philosophy. May be for procrastinator, it is a favorite place to dwell into but it never existed. Tomorrow is like Heisenberg cat experiment, so the moment you see it, it has become today. So even scientifically it is a paradox. All these thinking could not give me power

A lot is going on in my life and till now I was dealing it with complacency, but still I am not able to sleep. I was so deprived of sleep that for me a.m. and p.m. has lost its value. I usually see clock ticking from 11 and goes to 5 or even 6. I do understand that I am going through one of the most critical phase of my life but in this criticality my eyelashes will fail to hug each other was out of the equation, but it was happening, unfortunately though.  I live with my parents and I live in Bihar. I mentioned this because, some of the easiest way to escape reality is smoking and drinking. But as I mentioned, I live with my parents hence I cannot smoke because constant fear of getting caught will kill me and if I get caught I will be definitely killed and I live in Bihar means I cannot drink. Bihar is a dry state :'( Last night my parents were not at home. I was all alone. I was restless, sad, angry and much else. I realized that I needed puff. I sneaked

Can you honestly look at me and not feel anything? No pain, no regret, no nostalgia – nothing? Because I can’t. You know that feeling when you think there’s another step at the end of the stairs but there’s not so instead you experience that tiny heart attack when your feet reaches the ground? That’s how I feel when I think about you. Remember, when you told me that you love us both and I said this cannot be possible. I still believe that is not the possibility. I know sometimes you can be a little confused, we both can be, we are human. Sometimes we can do silly things, then afterwards realize why I even did that. It’s just all a learning process. I know you need time to think over life and what you want to do in life, I respect that. When we started fighting over couple months ago we both had doubts of fear about our relationship. I think on some level whether it is big or small, every relationship will have second thoughts or doubts. But it’s what you do with tho

'As I sat on the sand, listening to the gushing waves, watching the crimson horizon, I think to myself, these banks of river are always together but they never meet. Strange but true which made me contemplate whether it is their fate or is it a heart break which made them so indifferent!! Are they destined to never meet each other or are they are taking time to heal. Do they have scars too? Whatever be the case, I don't know. When togetherness is poisoned with silence, it breaks you. I think that is the reason why sound of waves soothes you, because it knows the pain of breaking. There are entities which are often named or spoken together but normally never occur together. Out of many, which tops my mind is "Tea and Coffee". Isn't it? What is this thing between Tea and Coffee lovers anyway? "Why there is weird axiom established that one can't have this if they love that?" I think Tea and Coffee are connected with OR gate rather than AND

Losing something always hurts you to bottom core of your heart. Its not human nature to accept the loss humanely and it feels even more tormenting where you start losing "someone" rather than "something". It’s terrible, distressing and harrowing. Hence it is even more difficult to see someone you love slipping out of your hands not knowing why they are doing so. Just a few months back things were amazing, as amazing as you ever imagined them to be, but what now? A basket full of memories that you can cherish for life? Promises for being there and then disappearing the next moment. A few amazing months that when you look back at them you can’t help but smile. It’s hard when you never know why things ended the way they did or did they? Yet again its human nature to blame the circumstances for every situation they are in. But out of all, there are many which are fixable. You just need heart to solve it. It is not calculus. It is life and hence it is si

I remember the time when "someone" whom I loved dearly wanted to leave the city forever. I wanted to stop her from all of my heart but ironically, I was the one who also prayed for her wish to get fulfilled. Even now when I think about that scenario, it gives me goose bumps. The act of letting go, especially whom you love is the hardest thing one has to do in his life. I’ve read and heard a lot about airport goodbyes to romanticize them. In India, railway station and bus terminal goodbye also happens. And recently something happened in front of my eyes. I stood at this bus terminal at the foothills of one of the most beautiful places I’ll ever visit. Smoking hills surrounding the bus terminal and early morning bird chirping made the place of Lord Buddha even more beautiful. And then, I saw the version of goodbye I’ll always remember. There were these two foreigners, a guy and a girl, cutely dressed. She was wearing a plain orange kurta with